This is so sad. He changed his picture to the one with his girlfriend on Monday, and before it wasn't even amongst his profile pictures. Why, why did he do it than? It is so strange, I cannot take it in at all - why cheat? Not in a years old marriage where there's no sex, not in a girlfriend - boyfriend situation where the bond could be weak -, but when you're engaged. And not just drunken-haze - spur of the moment cheat but consistent, decided lie, feelings involved. I don't know who to feel more sorry for - her or him. But I definitely want to be the only woman in any relationship in the future - be it an hour, two days or several years. I felt cold with horror when seeing his fiancé's picture.A few days after I started to feel uninterested, he changed his profile picture.

But I can't get the Aussie out of my head just yet. Getting close and trying but so far fail to succeed. Last week in the morning half asleep I dreamed that he opened the door of my room - heavy brown oak - and popped in, but only put his face through the door and didn't come in. Just said hi.
Fact about him is that I don't know him, don't know anything about him and didn't even like him at first but he has that magical quality that is first on my list: confidence without arrogance.

I'm a Mother. Firstly and at last, I'm a mother and a person of my own - I am just starting to feel this. That I can fill my life out myself, there is so much happening inside. I just want to spend this summer quietly, working, putting money together - building. Part of this is wishing that the Aussie comes back in the autumn, but thats a good thing in a way, because it calms me down for now - as if I had something to look forward and helps me move on and by the time it comes out that he doesn't come back there will be someone else or I just simply go off him because he is too far. He's the first person I finished with despite really liking him, because I realized what was goin' on between us had been pointless beyond any point.