Heads bowed, arms folded they sit on the bench in the small triangle square near the lovely Sorbonne area, streets full of students and surprisingly few tourists, warm continental november rain, enough to dampen the air but the seats are only slightly wet. The greenery, tiny ornamental trees cut to ball-shape, like in some old-fashioned Disney cartoon. The stuffed bars flood people and blue neon, people coming and going, chattering,tipsy laughter growing.
They sit in silence, absorbed in thoughts. She is thinking now, how unfair this is, and that she must not push,she can't direct this time now, there is no stage, scenery or music and she hasn't even got the character under control, so she'd better be herself. Say only things true and pure of stage. And now she finds, that if she looked at this honestly, if she truly looked into herself ,she had nothing, absolutely nothing to say. Because she only wanted to speak if he wanted to listen and she only wanted to speak if he too had something to say because otherwise there was nothing new, and the rest, the rest she knew already.
Maybe another time, he said,finally.
Maybe in another life,said her, feeling the heavy metal sadness sitting onto her chest from the outside, gathering around her like the heavy white clouds surround mountains on sunny days. Or in an other dimension, she smiled to herself, swallowing painful bites of thick damp air parisienne.
They sat for some ten minutes, amongst crowds and flashing stripes of smokey purple dancefloor lights that sifted through the now throbbing music of midnight French disco, and then they sat off, back to the old lives, alone in the tight grip of 30 squaremetres rooftop space, and him, alone and lonely inside the cold distance of his partnership revised.
-------------------
You're frightened.-she says, trying to sound convincing, but even she can hear her voice losing its persuasion, growing squeaky and mousey only in the lenght of three words. Nevertheless with none to lose,she strokes his forehead with her index finger. He pulls away with a sudden violence of a movement. She laughs, or rather, tries to laugh, embarrassed but still a little hopeful.
Do you ever think about us?
No I don't. There's nothing I want to say about this.
She laughs again, now softly, with disappointment in the tone.
You need to get out, she says.
Dont pull a Gregers on me. Sort out your own life.
My own life?!
He lookes at her, eyebrows raised.
But you are in my own life!-her tone is little high pitched now, yet trying to contain herself.
Stop it. Stop it now, he says,and turnes away.
---------------------------
Fear is the greatest immobilizer in our lives. It's preventing us from making changes and it holds us back from really living. Fear jeopardizes good relationships and keeps us trapped in bad ones.Being afraid holds us hostage in our own steamy room, perhaps with the smell of old convictions rotting away in the corner. The irrational fear of losing what we don't really own anyway stops us from cleaning those corners, from realizing that we may need to turn a page.
There is no stronger emotion than fear, perhaps, apart from love, and both are devastatingly destructive.
They sit in silence, absorbed in thoughts. She is thinking now, how unfair this is, and that she must not push,she can't direct this time now, there is no stage, scenery or music and she hasn't even got the character under control, so she'd better be herself. Say only things true and pure of stage. And now she finds, that if she looked at this honestly, if she truly looked into herself ,she had nothing, absolutely nothing to say. Because she only wanted to speak if he wanted to listen and she only wanted to speak if he too had something to say because otherwise there was nothing new, and the rest, the rest she knew already.
Maybe another time, he said,finally.
Maybe in another life,said her, feeling the heavy metal sadness sitting onto her chest from the outside, gathering around her like the heavy white clouds surround mountains on sunny days. Or in an other dimension, she smiled to herself, swallowing painful bites of thick damp air parisienne.
They sat for some ten minutes, amongst crowds and flashing stripes of smokey purple dancefloor lights that sifted through the now throbbing music of midnight French disco, and then they sat off, back to the old lives, alone in the tight grip of 30 squaremetres rooftop space, and him, alone and lonely inside the cold distance of his partnership revised.
-------------------
You're frightened.-she says, trying to sound convincing, but even she can hear her voice losing its persuasion, growing squeaky and mousey only in the lenght of three words. Nevertheless with none to lose,she strokes his forehead with her index finger. He pulls away with a sudden violence of a movement. She laughs, or rather, tries to laugh, embarrassed but still a little hopeful.
Do you ever think about us?
No I don't. There's nothing I want to say about this.
She laughs again, now softly, with disappointment in the tone.
You need to get out, she says.
Dont pull a Gregers on me. Sort out your own life.
My own life?!
He lookes at her, eyebrows raised.
But you are in my own life!-her tone is little high pitched now, yet trying to contain herself.
Stop it. Stop it now, he says,and turnes away.
---------------------------
Fear is the greatest immobilizer in our lives. It's preventing us from making changes and it holds us back from really living. Fear jeopardizes good relationships and keeps us trapped in bad ones.Being afraid holds us hostage in our own steamy room, perhaps with the smell of old convictions rotting away in the corner. The irrational fear of losing what we don't really own anyway stops us from cleaning those corners, from realizing that we may need to turn a page.
There is no stronger emotion than fear, perhaps, apart from love, and both are devastatingly destructive.
No comments:
Post a Comment