The thing is though, the thing is, I vehemently, firmly believe in this. I believe in this as much as I believe in myself, and the temporary dormant status of the 'thing' was always more like a great big disbelief in the fact that  this would be failing me when it should be happening. I believe in this, not so much anymore because I want to, but because it just makes so much sense, unbelievable, how much. Actually , I don't really want it so much anymore-but I believe it should happen because its natural. And due to this underlying great seabed of belief I cannot stop trying to be around you , I cannot, until you are clear about it and maybe even after that, and why are you not clear about it? its clear, you want to make this into a permanent pending, maybe me as second best, maybe just for your vanity. But I am different, I believe in this, I believe in us, and my great big belief is solid like a fossil and precios and ancient and yes, maybe even reminiscent of a different era, or maybe only a print of something that is not alive, an extinct push,a lifeless shell forced into once soft ground.