1.1

So back to the beginning, or, rather, to the end, he willingly agreed to meet me.

I had to be late. I was careful to be early, I thought I cannot risk being late. I just had to meet him. Of course I wasnt sure if he would be there, so I had to get there on time to find a good viewing point of the meeting place to check if he arrived in order to avoid looking like an idiot standing there waiting for someone, who never turns up, or, even worse, for someone who dares to turn up 15-20 minutes late ( I liked to think I wouldnt wait any longer ) and IS well dressed and good looking AND I obviously melt at his sight and its just so obvious what the deal is. So I did manage to get there about 30 seconds early and sneaked past the agreed corner on the other side of the street, but only went a few meters when I looked back and immidiately recognised his silhoutte. I crossed the street, smiling, thinking of the way I must walk, my ex before this ex always used to say I walked like my Mum who, full regards and stuff, but does walk as if she pooed in her trousers. OR is carrying a large barrel between her legs. So we went to a pub and had two beers, the conversation ( him talking about himself, as he always did) went well, I didnt feel anything, in fact, and this was great, I just didnt care anymore what he thinks and thought that I must have been really really desperate to love him at its time.



That night on the course, the night of the dinner, he did turn up in the end. He looked great, I was lost. He was wearing a green jumper and he was wearing his hair differently - without stupid hairgel or whatever it was. He has beautiful hair, thick and blond. He sat at the German girl's table, I watched them with envy ( her, again!) all evening and prtetnded to be friendly and went up to her afterwords cause I heard her talking of an afterdrink.

I never join groups on afterdrinks unless I am especially invited, but this was emergency. We went to an Irish Bar ( how lame, I hate these stuppid theme bars, irish music and gathering place for idiots wearing IRA support T-shirts, I thought )where I tried all my limited means of making him ask me to marry him but failed to do so. This included sitting next to him, striking up a conversation about the gathering of idiots wearing IRA support T-shirts . Actually, thats it. Good chat - up line, innit??

Every evening, drinking. My initial flu disappeared - bear this in mind, alcohol is a disinfective , the amount consumed just killed all the bacteria.Quickly. One night back from our pub to the hotel, the german girl slept with him. Well obviously, as she went to his hotel with him, arm -in - arm. And you could tell the next day. Bastardesse.

Thursday morning I gave it one last go and said in the break of the course ( on my way back from the toilets where I elegantly put last night's drink back into the city's sewage system, exitus through what served as an entrance about 12 hours before ) that friday afternoon I have nowhere to stay. He said I could stay in his room. Quick and easy, it was there, frightening result in my hand, just what I wanted. Was it what I wanted? I was pleased. And a bit scared. Definitely longing for him, full of lust, a feeling long unknown.



What I really want to write about though is our recent randezvous. After two beers he said he had to go which was a bit surprising and annoying. We started walking , right the opposite direction to where I came from . He knew where I had to go, so I just followed, thinking he is at home, probably knows better. We walked into Hyde park , and I still didnt think anything of it, happy as a child for the fact that I am actually inside the park where the 101 dalmathians were walked! The park was beautiful, so dark, if you looked up on the sky you could see the city's lights being reflected on the night's clouds, looking like some surreal whipped cream. I wasnt concentrating on him or what he was saying so I actualy missed the grand opening sentence, to which the continuation was "Thats all down to history, is it?" and only from the tone did I know he was talking about sex. He walked me to the park in order to have sex with me. I was shocked and alarmed. I couldnt say anything apart from a weak "Arghh uhm I guess" which he obviously misheard for " Yes please I cant wait to put your thingey into my mouth " cause he pulled me aside for a very cold kiss. I hate cold kisses. Kiss but than do it properly or don't kiss. It felt strange, unfamiliar, his beautiful, sensual mouth was doing something I remember being much nicer. Judging by the mouth it should've been...I didnt pull away. I never saw him like this, h e always behaved in such an undecisive manner, it was always me initiating the sex (I'll tell you about the first time cause it is funny). When he let me go I just said : " There's no way I am doing this , I am not 16 anymore to have sex in parks I do these things in bed!" Well it didnt help but I started to enjoy this. A lot. I knew I was in charge if only for this time. I didn't pull away when he kissed me ( cold wet kitchen sponge kisses) and I thought " Why the hell not? All I keep saying to myself is that I want to relive my teenage years, here they are then!" And I laughed at him for trying but didnt stop him when he touched me. Kept saying no, but allowed him to lead me up to the top of a little hill, he pushed me to a tree and unbuttoned his trousers.