Monday, February 11, 2008

1.3

So we did.Walked to the park in the city, people sitting by the lake, lovers on the grass, et cetera.

By then I really was convinced that he was gay. I couldn't believe that he actually spent three hours in bed with me and didn't even give me the choice to refuse him ( which of course I wouldn't have done but I liked to feel I could have done. I could have done. But would not have done.).
By chance , we bumped into his mate, a relief as I had nothing to say, bitter with disappointment. Here I am , ready for adultery and nothing. Unlucky. We had a beer by the lake, mingled with the crowds and had quite a nice time, actually - my moments of liberation. How strange, that an afternoon spent in a city you don't know, with people you don't know, you are out of place and out of water, and looking back you remember every moment, time passing in a lazy steady stream the september sun like golden syrup, the daylight melting away, and you feel like a child again, out of place, out of time, each moment a universe.
Sitting there sipping our beer our friend asked how we 've been spending the afternoon, and he told him that he just spent three hours in bed with me trying to hold himself back from making a move. I choked. BUT WHY?

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