Dear J, I like you so much. I realize there is no future for us though and I fucked up good and proper anyway. You were far too intelligent and you helped me greatly but sometimes I wish you weren't and you didn't than maybe we could be together...but then I couldn't have liked you so much.
I'd just like to say that I am so sorry for effing up seriously , I am so sorry I can't tell you. I have a big empty space inside me and its been there for two weeks now and it hurts.
I 'd do anything to be with you again , maybe just once, to make it all right. I thought I should write but I guess it's pointless, what happened that happened.
You need to know you were right, so sensitive and right, but I paid a big big price for wanting to use you and I am in a way grateful for making me realize it but I wish ...oh I wish it just happened differently. But than it wouldn't be us. It wasn't me, though, you have to know that wasn't me. Meeting you was one of the best things that had happened to me in a long time and it was good purely for the reason you wanted to see me again and I just didn't see anything from that at all, I didn't realize that and meeting you the second time was just fucked up for this reason. It's very rare to be able to talk to someone the way we talked to eachother on that evening and it's very strange when you can't repeat it because it is just what you thought it to be all about.
I think you're bitter about yourself actually and you shouldn't be. You can't belong but this is how you are and this is how we are. It will change or it won't or maybe you can change it. If you want to. If you think you have to.
I've been listening to alanis and it's because it reminds me of you and I sprayed cK IN2U on my wrist,seriosly silly, and if you were to return to London I will be there and the picture you painted of Chicago, Illinois is with me and you will always be in my heart.
I'd just like to say that I am so sorry for effing up seriously , I am so sorry I can't tell you. I have a big empty space inside me and its been there for two weeks now and it hurts.
I 'd do anything to be with you again , maybe just once, to make it all right. I thought I should write but I guess it's pointless, what happened that happened.
You need to know you were right, so sensitive and right, but I paid a big big price for wanting to use you and I am in a way grateful for making me realize it but I wish ...oh I wish it just happened differently. But than it wouldn't be us. It wasn't me, though, you have to know that wasn't me. Meeting you was one of the best things that had happened to me in a long time and it was good purely for the reason you wanted to see me again and I just didn't see anything from that at all, I didn't realize that and meeting you the second time was just fucked up for this reason. It's very rare to be able to talk to someone the way we talked to eachother on that evening and it's very strange when you can't repeat it because it is just what you thought it to be all about.
I think you're bitter about yourself actually and you shouldn't be. You can't belong but this is how you are and this is how we are. It will change or it won't or maybe you can change it. If you want to. If you think you have to.
I've been listening to alanis and it's because it reminds me of you and I sprayed cK IN2U on my wrist,seriosly silly, and if you were to return to London I will be there and the picture you painted of Chicago, Illinois is with me and you will always be in my heart.
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